Welcome back to day six of ADHD and emotions. And this is the start of the second week. Last week, we did a lot of exploration, with kind of different relationships, how ADHD impacts the individual and the couple, and how we can use our strengths to our advantage and help with those challenges in the relationship. Now, we're going to kind of dive into some quite big topics that seem to be really big challenges, and very common with ADHD in relationships. And whether that's RSD, emotions, conflict and communication. And we're going to jump right in with the biggest one of all, and usually, the cause impact of what's going on beneath the surface, and that is emotions.Right, emotions, they affect all humans, ADHD or not. However, when we struggle with executive functions, emotions seem to be a real intensity challenge for people with ADHD. Whether that's regulating, managing, and being aware of them in the moment, before we take that action. Every behaviour is caused by an emotion. And when your emotions are very, very challenging, it can cause our behaviours or our actions to not always align with who we are. So let's kind of dive a bit deeper into that. Most people I meet with ADHD are really driven by emotions, and usually on the flip side, have real big passions and heart. However, when that heart is not aligned with who you are, your head, and what you want to achieve in life, it can sometimes cause things to come out not as planned. A lot of the times the emotions we feel in the moment is not always a good representation of the actual reality. Whether that's because our impulsivity, of taking actions our hyperactivity and our energy that cause reactions, or not actually being able to process the situation, while it's happening, to decide what emotions are going to take the reactions, emotions basically get the better of us, which then causes a lot of conflict in relationships. Because usually the partner gets the other end of that emotion. Basically, emotions take over. And this can be called emotional dysregulation, or emotional hijacking. Basically, the emotions hijack the brain, the rational side of our mind, which means that our actions are not always in our control.And we know that people have ADHD have very strong emotions, that how do we notice and manage that. And one of the big things is putting on the brakes, to notice the emotions before taking action. A very famous passage says that "ADHD is like having a Ferrari brain with bicycle brakes". So we've got a Ferrari brain, and we're going, woah, woah, woah, our emotions are going to go there as well. Which means our brain sometimes takes over and we don't have the brakes to put on to notice the process and make a decision with how we use that emotion. We've got to strengthen those brakes. So I invite you to take this time to take time in a in an activity called pause.So I invite you and your partner to pause. Sounds a lot easier than is. Step one. How do you feel or notice and emotion in yourself? Or how do you notice it, if the non ADHD partner, in your partner? How do you notice their emotion? And how do you feel it? Do you feel in your body? Do you see it in their face? Do you sense it? How do you feel those emotions those real strong emotions. Step two, when you know how you feel and when when you notice them, the next thing is trying to pause and stop and notice it that being aware that you're noticing it. I call it notice in name it. A real fun way of doing it is to kind of when you notice it, either in your partner and yourself to have an action or a word or a signal to show that because sometimes that can help your brain go "ah", and actually help you pause basically strengthens your muscles to pause. So whether that's actually having a visual representation of a pause sign, whether that's actually having a clap, or a loud noise, or a signal or touch on the shoulder to go "ah, pause" and notice the emotion. Sometimes something physical, something visual, something oratory, something that is not in your head, can help your brain switch to notice that you are feeling emotion, which ultimately means you're pausing. Step three record how many times you feel, what powerful measures do you feel? You can make a game out of it having emotions do you feel in the day? To really strengthen that pause of noticing it and pausing. Then step four, is reflect and question the emotion. What are these emotions trying to tell us? Are there any patterns you notice? When do they come up? What emotion is actually coming out and the most? What happens before the emotion that brings it out? So, step one is noticing how you're feeling emotion, step two, pausing, having a sign or a signal, and pausing. Step three is practising that pause when you feel the emotion, make a game out of it to make it fun. Four is, reflect and question it. The only way you're going to know and how to control those emotions is when you're aware of them actually coming out. Sometimes the emotions are so sneaky, they catch you off guard, and taking back that power and that control which we talked about before. And basically, they put you ahead of them. And then you're reacting rather than responding.When we reflect in question and take that step back and pause, this is called something we call, what we talked about last time, a preventative strategy, rather than thinking, "uh, when I get this emotion on, I'm going to do this and this", actually, taking that step back and reflecting and questioning the emotions before they happen, can basically help you take control before they come up. However, if you cannot see it coming, sometimes there's no way of preventing it, because those sneaky ones will keep coming out, which causes a reaction. So take those four steps to try and prevent or find a way to, if that reaction is going to come out, notice it and take control of those emotions. And I'll leave you with this "don't". Don't underestimate that power of the pause. When you take those breaks, you strengthen it. You take control of your brain, of your emotions and your responses. Power of the pause.